When life gives you lemons, make lemonade

Wednesday, 9 September 2015

Insomnia


Sometimes I lay in my bed wide awake and restless.
Very tired but unable to sleep.
Did I say sometimes? This is in fact most times if not all the time.
I roll around in my bed and have thoughts of tearing my soul from my body and each living independently- almost devoid of each other.
Sometimes my eyes hurt too much from being unable to sleep but once I close them they hurt even more.
It's a torturous cycle of deep thought and slight regret.
Worlds of fantasy, horror and worry unwind before me rapidly .


No matter what I do or try not to do I will not sleep.
Sometimes it feels like the torturous cycle will not end until I hear the birds chirping and the light seeping enviously through my curtains .
I squirm but I know I have to wake up soon.
"Only the poor sleep," I hear my mom's voice echo in a bizarre make believe torture chamber.
I never rest however early I go to bed.
I'm an enslaved slumberer stuck in a strange purgatory of dismay.
I pray to sleep and not to sleep.


Many a pill popped up my mouth and even liquid so vain forced down my pipe but alas no eye so wary of life closes even in dire pain.
Suddenly my world spins from real to queer.
I wish I could save John Snow.
Words of fiction brought to real life.
Character tailored by word of mouth and designed by strong visuals yet my heart draws closely a near.
I daresay I should have been his shield.
I could even go so far to say he was my idol and my life ended right when he died.
I wish I could have saved him.

I daresay, I wish I was some kind of shield and there whence he shouldn't have died .
Was I so helpless I couldn't save my hero.
Was my life purpose so drowned I couldn't use my ultimate power to save the world heartache.
My mind spins and spins until I cannot take it anymore...
The dogs bark and the winds whisper mockingly to my ears.
Shadows of unseen bad spirits on powerful screens blind me.

My hung towel by my wardrobe is in fact an old hunchback woman, my drawer a crippled baby and my toilet a  large headed octopus monster.
I instantly switch on my lights as my torturers grow closer and closer.
I breathe a sigh of relief as I notice my brain is working faster than a cheetah.
I switch my lights back off and mercy eventually kicks in at 7am in the morning.
My time of reckoning is nigh and now the gods of morn mock me in predeath disguised as snatched sleep.
I wonder when my torment shall end.

Yet every night I lay in my bed and hope I sleep.
I hope the gods of slumber shall take me and draw me into their ambience of solitude and short lived death.
Until then, I lay in between wake and sleep. 
A place I wish will one day vanish


Wednesday, 7 January 2015

love struck

lawfully charmed
he that made me smile once upon a gloomy moon
made me turn around a sour mood
led to me straight from bitterness to happiness
from anger, hurt and betrayal
to everything  right down to royal and loyal
and i pondered in awe silently to myself
he was the only one that made my heart smile. all by himself

Saturday, 3 January 2015

new years resolution

The coming of lady dawn


I was staring at my self in the mirror long and hard as I felt the depression slowly kick in and consume my mind obsessively.
Even if I felt this overwhelming heaviness I knew I had come from far.
Gone are the days when I suddenly broke down in the shower and made frantic calls demanding for answers or attention.
11 months had passed and once again time had indeed proven its test.
The scars were slowly disappearing and this new feeling was  slightly disconnected even though it itched naggingly to a familiar tune.
This new emptiness toyed between depression and anxiety.
I slid my hands through my fine crown of kinky coils and once again smiled at the transformation I'd set out to make and indeed I merged conquerer.
I hadn't let  petty comments and nay-sayers pit stop my journey to new self discovery and total acceptance.
I proudly smiled and the same reflection of my genuine happiness lit up in my famous wide exaggerated smile.
Despite the fact that I was definitely a new woman who had worked so hard to where she was I still felt like I hadn't reached my ultimate goal.
My ultimate goal was to be a woman free of guilt from all my past failures , transform into what I was really destined for, chase all my dreams and passions and always move forward with my head held up.
No longer will I be caged by guilt from the past for I've conquered my demons and they no longer hold me back.
A new life slowly buds in front of me with a promise of a great new year.
I have no regrets. Just full anticipation and full gear for the new year.