When life gives you lemons, make lemonade

Sunday, 17 November 2013

mercy

I rethink over and over the things that you have done to me
I also think of things that I have done
I am no victim here but there are two possibilities;
I either didn’t try hard enough or you eluded me a long time ago
There is absolutely nothing I could have done to save this
You chose your path along time ago
You never really changed;
I was blinded and let myself play the fool
Now it’s time to pay the piper but he looks like he won’t take no pay this time
Oh the nightmares that so conscientiously torture me at night!
The devil of evil past and chains that refuse to unbind grapple grudgingly at my heart
I know real freedom comes with letting go
Oh how I try everyday
Oh how I try to forget everything and accept
I know there is nothing I can ever do or say to change you
I will leave that to karma
I cried too many tears and my eyes eventually dried
My tear well just refused to refill and for that I am grateful
I can’t figure what it is that keeps me thinking about you
Because all it does is disturb my peace, intrude my dreams and make my days a living hell
My biggest achievement would just be not thinking about you
Because right now; I don’t hope, expect and I let go of all the feelings that did me no mercies
But thoughts, that I have been controlling for months
If I could be hit by a rock and got amnesia, that would be a great relief
I wish this could pass faster than it’s proving to
I wish I could so easily turn another page so I’m not at your pretentious mercies 
I fall down on bent knees every night and beg for mercy from the bigger deity
I cry out loud almost dramatically
To be saved from this hell hole
I refuse to be a whiny child but all I need for now is mercy, peace, tranquility
“Oh merciful one take thy pity on me and save me thus from this torturous chamber”
I beg yet again. Over and over but still in vain
I once again disregard my imaginative mind that always tended to transform realities into nightmares and nightmare into reality
What kind of mercy do the gods even portray if this suffering shall continue on like a child’s game that should have ended a while ago but it just won’t?
My mind races at break neck speed
This situation is not worth the candle but my mind refuses to comprehend that
I need mercy, I crave mercy, I seek mercy!
When will I get that great one?
For it’s all I seek


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