Friday, 30 August 2013
He whispered in my ears but I wasn’t quite paying attention. “A word” he said or at least it’s what I thought he said. “I beg for your pardon madam,” he continued to badger.
I slowly stopped twisting my hair in my hands and biting the insides of my mouth out of deep thought, ready to deal with this unbecoming pest.
I reluctantly turned with impatience as my fortitude had been toyed with, tried and tested immediately I entered that room.
The horror, the disbelief….
Alas! It was the faceless man and demon of mercy.
A silent sigh escaped my pouted mouth as I faced my nightmare. I was so speechless that my tongue felt as heavy as a bag of cement.
“what is it you seek,” he went on.
My mouth quivered, my heart shrunk beneath my rib cage.
I struggled to speak back but other demons of ruthlessness, fear and shyness forbade me.
I twisted in my chair and the figure floated swiftly even closer to me.
My body shook, my eyes bulged out in exaggeration as fear engulfed my whole being.
‘what is it you seek,” he asked once again.
I closed my eyes like I always did in every bad dream.
The feeling of fear was so strong it sounded like the howling wind carrying bad news about deaths of soldiers that fought a war in which they were not supposed to die.
And then it wasn’t there.
The room was as silent as a symmetry before the zombie apocalypse…
I slowly opened my eyes and the room was clear. I exhaled a sigh of relief.
I looked into the mirror and smiled almost too timid to touch my own face.
And then there he was…but this time it was staring right back at me in the mirror….
Wednesday, 7 August 2013
Dark beautiful thoughts
Dark beautiful thoughts beckon me to ride black headless horses with dead horsemen
My heart races excitedly like an imp on a legit evil mission
The power to have power becomes an ambition so horrendous that my sole life purpose is to join the dark side
To absorb the dark energy and let it become my soul and self
Twisted worlds where the dead , the undead and the restless souls claim the world become my fantasy
Nightmares become an obsession
I feel obsessed… I am obsessed
The feeling of fear thrills me and it becomes a permanent thirst
No river ever flowing could fulfil this thirst….
Dark beautiful thoughts engulf me…. I am breathless but I like it
I spread my flightless wings to fly…. My reality is I’ll fall and die but my fantasy is I’ll be on the other side….
Boneless…floating and free…
Just like a butterfly
I wept, I cried, I lost sanity
The tears that I once forced not to wail and weigh down my eyes had become the devil’s best twisted game he chose to play on me
The anger, the resentment and all the negativity that I couldn’t take anymore wiped the plastic smile right off my face
I cried, I smiled, I pulled my hair out mercilessly
“mercy, have mercy,’ I cried out
But the devil wasn’t done. His cruel obsession to torment me had become a hobby.
My heart dared to stiffen and give up hope completely
There must be a loop hole, I thought. There must be a way in which I could easily strike back and take back my balance.
Solitude had become my best friend, self-pity had become my personality.
I screamed, I threw hideous ginormous tantrums and did things like a six year old did when mother did not buy ice cream after a long hot day at school.
My body shivered, the mirror was my enemy; my eyes quivered my thoughts were my makers and destroyers
Oh mighty one, did you dessert me to the devil. Did all my prayers and pleas become a game to the gods.
Was this some sort of punishment for something I did earlier in my life time?
Was karma finally striking back and laughing straight to my face?
Wish it had stabbed me in the back rather than do its evils right before me.
I begged, my ego was long bruised and self-respect refused to be my virtue.
Oh merciful one! Do not forsake me so. I cried, I hopped, I begged…
But the lights did not come back on that day…they never came on for weeks or even months later…
The cycle of frustration and self-torment only continued even more harshly.
My heart shattered in millions and I knew the day had come…the day to turn a new leaf.
The day I wasn’t going to be the devil’s very own puppet…the day I wasn’t going to be game of the gods or karma…
I began to see the light towards the end of the tunnel like that in the horror movies…but this was no ordinary light
Colors infused in darkness and light robbed of its porosity …
A new kind of game had been set up right in front of me. Only this time, I accepted it was a game and I wore my heart on my sleeves…
I was done crying over spilled milk!